If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
