Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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