I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
