Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
