just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
whose ass print is on the piano?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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