walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
