He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
