good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
