Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
