therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
