I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
