I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
