"it" just moved
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
