nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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