I faked an abortion last night.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
