So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
