Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
