that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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