You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Green mimosas i think yes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
