every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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