I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
