I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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