Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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