How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Damn victory sex feels great
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
