Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
