see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
