he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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