Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
