A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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