Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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