I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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