i jhust puked up my retainher.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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