Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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