I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize