The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
