So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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