Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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