Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
