If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
