i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bring money and cleavage
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize