Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
