take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
