Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
