I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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