4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
