Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
