I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
