Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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