If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
