Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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