hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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