mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
