I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
