somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
