FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
