hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
