He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
