i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
