Me too!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
