Please, let me fuck your mom
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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