Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
