He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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