I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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