READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
