the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
