I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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