This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
