I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
