why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
