Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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