Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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