they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
